This Thing Called Darkness

“Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred. How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men into war, hoping for their safe return. But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?”

Darkness. A friend we all sometimes know too well. Lately, I feel that the evil is slowly creeping up on me; like it’s waiting behind the door, hoping that I would just step through it so that the darkness could smother me and leave me begging - crying even - for help. I can feel a hand - a dark, evil hand - slowly making its way to my throat, choking me, letting me know that it is here.

I don’t know where it came from. I do not want it to be here. I do not want to fight this losing battle again. I do not want to be begging for mercy. I do not want to be shedding tears. And yet, somehow, it has managed to find me. How? Do I deserve this? Why does it have to be me? Why can’t you just leave me alone? And what do you want from me?

They say things, even bad ones, happen for a reason. Amidst the shadow and darkness that is slowly eating me from the inside, I do not see any reason for me to hang on. I do not see the reason anymore. I find myself wondering: is it even worth it? But most importantly: is the reason still there? I can’t even see it anymore. I can’t feel it anymore. Could it be engulfed by the one thing that all of us are trying to run away from, this thing called darkness?

And if it’s there, then please: I need a light to show me the way out of this darkness, these shadows. I do not want to fight this losing battle again. I do not want to be begging for mercy. I do not want to be shedding tears. Please, help me light up my path once again.

“You’ve left me no choice but to go inside and rebuild what’s broken. Too much, too far, too late to lie down now. I must arm myself to fight you by making weapons out of my imperfections. It’s all I have left. There’s no other choice”